Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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