kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
