Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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