I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
