Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
