you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
