I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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