Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
