So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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