You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
