Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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