You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
