God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
