Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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