i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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