Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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