Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
