how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
