You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
