dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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