oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
