I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
