I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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