i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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