there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
