Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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