Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
