I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
