the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
