By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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