what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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