The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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