Please, let me fuck your mom
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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