If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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