All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
