I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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