DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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