I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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