the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
