He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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