At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
