my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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