talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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