Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
