Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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