i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
