and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
