Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
