I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
