I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
