So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
