it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
