Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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