I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
