i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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