all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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