i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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