Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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