were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
