she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
