a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
