I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
