It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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