she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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