Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
