I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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