with your own penis?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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